Day 33: After the Howl (Yahoo!Group pre-forum)

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Greyspear left the middle of the circle before it had a chance to scatter and went right to his daughter's side. His vision was so tunnel-like from all the grief and pain he'd opened up to that he couldn't see her face clearly, or who she was talking to, but he approached her nontheless, remembering tears in her eyes not long before. ~**Daughter?**~

Silvereyes sniffled and tried to muffle her woes and stop her trembling as she wiped her tears on her left arm sleeve. She handed the wine container back to Dancingflame and gave her hand a good squeeze then hugged her. Hearing her father send with his heavy emotions fallowing his sending voice she nodded to Dancingflame and hoarsely whispered Thank you to her before turning quick to catch her father. She helped him to a near log or bench to sit with him a little bit from the others hugging him and let them cry together.
~**Father! I am here, I have you....Come and let's sit over here?**~ she suggested. She eased him down first then herself. She kept close and left her mind open to him. She wanted to be strong but this was not the time for that she thought.
~**Should you need something? Water...Anything?**~ Her own emotions still showing and her eyes still fighting her tears. Her emotions tightening her throat and her trembling more in shifts now. She hugged her father firm at his shoulders and hid her eyes on his shoulder letting it all go as she slid her hip next to his. It seemed they both needed to living contact right now to share an understanding that words could not express.

For a long moment Greyspear simply sat, embracing his daughter and letting the pain wash over him in waves. But Silvereyes' shivers brought him back to himself, to his purpose. He was a father and as much as he wished to lay down and not get up at that very moment, he had to. For her.
"Water sounds wonderful," he said to her, his voice thick with grief and raw from crying. "I've lost a lot of that I fear. Who was it I pulled you away from? They seemed to have a skin of some kind. Or was it a jar? Did they have water?"

"Mmm, hmm," she answered, not sure if her throat would let her speak yet. She wiped at her eyes again and noticed... "Oh! Sorry father, (choke, cough) I made your shoulder damp."
She listened to him answering after clearing her throat some to reclaim moisture to it. "Eh? That was - I think her name is Dancingflame? She and her two companions brought us some dreamberry wine. I had some (cough, cough). It is very good. Would you like me to ask them for some for you?"
Her voice was clearing from cracking to rasping then more clear as her nerves started to calm from the cool distraction. She had not even realized her trembling had slowed. She looked from Dancingflame back to her father setting a hand to his shoulder. "I do not mind."
Her other hand across her belly as if it would some how possibly calm her nerves. She hardly hardly noticed she was holding her belly. Her mind on so many things. Looking around she looked at the others still gathered then back to her father as he spoke.

"Some wine would be wonderful," Greyspear muttered in answer. "And never mind my shoulder. What would I be good for, if I couldn't offer my own cub a shoulder to cry on?"

DancingFlame stood for a moment, not knowing what to do next. She looked around. There was so much grief. She felt their hurt, as it was her own. DancingFlame opened her mouth to speak to Rainblossom and Firecry, but her eyes caught Silvereye's glance.
~**Is there anything I can do for you?**~, she asked the young woman immediately. ~**Please, just let me know if there is anything**~ Her mind was set after being allowed to share their memories and feelings in the Howl. DancingFlame would help these elves that had lost so much, no matter what.

Eveninglight just sagged on the ground where she had been standing during the Howl. She had shared the loss of her mother Safier, the happy memories of her family. All that. Only the fear for the safety of her father and brother that haunted her day and night, she had kept to her self. Many others would feel the same about their loved ones who had been captured by the trolls, she thought, and she wouldn't want to burden them with her own fear aswell.
Tears fell silently from Evenlight's eyes. After the Howl, after the sharing the remembering... She felt hollow, empty. Then all feeling rushed back in, like a tidalwave. Eveninglight covered her face with her hands, her body shaking with the tears that fell hotly again.

Silvereyes blushed. She tried to move but her body had not moved to stand. She could not admit it either. She jumped at the sending from her new friend. She looked at her, nodding.
**Another sip for my father and me too please? Pardon my asking, our emotions seem to have parched our throats. If you and your friends do not mind and if there is some still in your wine skin? OH! And you are welcome to join us? **
She looked over to Eveninglight, recognizing the pain. Silvereyes locksent to her father. ~**Eveninglight is still hurting too. Erm, I can try to come to you our you can join us? No elf should be alone at this time friend. I lost my mother too. I know that pain.**~

Greyspear kept a protective arm around Silvereyes, but nodded for the strangers to approach. He tried to look as friendly as possible, but his mouth wouldn't form a smile. At Silvereye's send, his eyes darted over to Eveninglight.
~**I looks like she's getting some help,**~ he lock-sent back. He knew his eyes wouldn't cooperate if he tried to stand, not yet, and the strangers approaching Eveninglight at least shared their wolf-blood...

Rainblossom tentatively took a seat next to the shaking stranger - Eveninglight, if she didn't misremember - and motioned for Firecry to do the same. "Are you...are you well?" she asked, gently resting a hand on Eveninglight's shoulder.

Eveninglight took a deep breath and tried to subdue her tears, when she heard Rainblossom speak to her, but to no avail. She leaned in to the warmth of the other woman's hand, seeking comfort. "I miss them so much...", she spoke in an almost inaudible whisper. "So much..."
Closing her eyes, Eveninglight answered Silvereyes sending. ~**Please do not worry about me, my friend**~, she sent, taking strength from Silvereyes' kindness and the closeness of Rainblossom and Firecry, ~**These strangers seem kind. Your father needs you now, and you him**~

DancingFlame walked over to where SilverEyes and Greyspear were. "Here, drink", she said, offering her wine skin to Greyspear first. "There is still some wine left and I can go to get some more, if you so wish."

Silvereyes looked up to Dancingflame "We thank you for sharing your wine with us. It should help some." She said attempting once more to smile. She shivered at the emotions felt and shared washed over her in a wave. It was sad to see so many hurting but it gave her comfort knowing it would pass for most.
"You are welcome to sit here with us if you like?" she offered again to Dancingflame. "If father does not mind?" She looked back to her father to see if he wanted more company or if he needed to just be with his daughter for now.

"Of course not, sweet cubling," Greyspear answered, forcing ' himself to smile. "Have a seat..." He frowned thoughtfully as he looked up at Dancingflame. "I fear I've forgotten your name, if I ever heard it. An old wolf like me isn't use to having so many new faces to learn I fear."

Silvereyes watched as Eveninglight was met by two strangers and then nodded to her with a weak smile after she sent back to Silvereyes to stay with Greyspear as he needed her right now. ~**I see you are in good hands.**~

**I will be alright**~, Eveninglight answered, ~**These are good people**~ Even thought some of the other Children of the Oaks- elves had seem distrustful of them, the elves that had attended ' the howl were nothing but nice and Eveninglight felt like she could trust them.

At Greyspear's invitation Dancingflame sat down, placing the wineskin in between them so the other two elves could take at when they wanted too.
"The same goes for me. I do not know your name, nor the names of most of your tribe either", Dancingflame admitted to Greyspear. "I do know your daughter's name: Silvereyes, since it suits her so beautifully." She smiled at the younger woman as she said it. "My name is Dancingflame. And may I know yours?"

"I am Greyspear." He took a deep gulp of the wine, then passed the skin to Silvereyes. "I...I fear I have little else to say, except to thank you for the wine." The Howl still burned fresh in his mind, his eyes still wet from tears. Making pleasant conversation with a stranger would be a challenge.

Silvereyes blushed shyly and let the two talk. She should have introduced them but was too distracted to think much on it at the time. When the wineskin was free after her father had some she took a turn at it glad for the buzz that had started not that it was strong, but it was a lil bit soothing to her emotions and nerves. She set the wineskin back down between them for whoever wanted it next.
"Thanks for sharing with us Dancingflame. Sorry for not introducing you both to each other earlier. I think I am a tad rusty on meating new faces too" She said softly at the break in the conversation. A rosy tone to her cheeks now. Though she was not smiling, was trying not to be gloomy with their guest.

"Our tribe hasn't met another since well before my time, dear daughter," Greyspear cut in, giving Silvereyes a shadow of a reassuring smile. "I hope you will forgive us if we offend," he added, turning to address Dancingflame. "I fear grief and strange situations make snappish wolves out of all of us."

"You do not offend me in the least", DancingFlame assured, Greyspear and his daughter. "You have been through so much and the grief is still so fresh. There is nothing to apologize for. Perhaps it is I who should apologize for intruding here..." She hadn't realized before, but maybe she had overstayed her welcome an she should leave to let father and daughter mourn in private.

Silvereyes shivered her mind all numb but in that moment as akward as it was she noticed how harsh her Sire's words had stung in making his point.
~**Dancingflame....**~ "No....Erm, please...No ill will....It is the emotional strain right now. Your friends seem to have already headed to the tents.... Please could you lead the way and I'll help Greyspear?" she asked hoping Dancingflame would not wake feeling strange about her and her sire. ~**Father... You are our leader and...Dancingflame did us a kindness...Maybe some rest is good for now? If not sleep then, I can stay here go fallow her to the tents and see where to go then you and I can talk or simply sit as company a bit more?**~
She did not know what to say to him...She felt just as bad...Deeply sad. But nothing to do with Dancingflame in Silvereyes's mind. But neither had her father really. His tone was as dark as his mood though it came across. Whatever her sire said next, she would go along with. She was the daughter, not the parent and it shook her to scold him. It hurt her a little too making her notice again her dame was not there. Her eyes averted in her reflection on her loved ones again and the sting of it all. A touch from Crystal would make her weep with joy...but he was....spirit now, she thought to herself. she wiped at her eyes again and sniffled as she let the images pass as she listened to Greyspear and Dancingflame reply.

DancingFlame sent Silvereye's a quick, reassuring smile and put her hand on the girl's hand. Really, she couldn't be many turns of seasons of difference in age with her own youngest daughter Wasp, she realized.
"There is no ill will", DancingFlame said, "None at all. If you so wish, I will lead you to the tent where you can rest. If the body is rested, the soul will feel refreshed as well. You do not have to just hang on and survive anymore. You can rest and start healing." At least, that was what DancingFlame hoped for these elves. She hardly dared to think about what tomorrow might bring.

Silvereyes listened to Dancingflame returning a smile relieved. "Thank you friend," she said to Dancingflame. Silvereyes waited to see what her father had to say before she could leave with the other elf maiden.
"Father, do you wish to wait here and I'll return quickly or should I help you to the tent?" she asked tenderly not sure if she was making things worse or would be seen as trying to help.

"Rest does sound like a wise idea," Greyspear said and looked over in the direction of the tent he now thought of as belonging to his tribe. "And help is most welcome. My old legs aren't what they used to be."

"Sorry, friend. We can meet up tomorrow or whenever you like. Thank you for understanding."
She gave her a half sad smile then turned to walk with her father to the tent helping a little since he wanted to stand on his own.

"Rest well", DancingFlame wished her new friends, "We will meet again, tomorrow." When father and daughter started to make their way to their own tent, DancingFlame stood up and headed in the direction of the tent she shared with her lifemate. Sabre would be awake and waiting for her, she knew, and it would be a long time before they would sleep. There was much they needed to talk about. DancingFlame was sure they would be able do deal with their difference of opinion. They had quarreled many times before, the High Ones knew, but in all those turns of seasons Sabre and DancingFlame had to dance life's dances together and one way or another they would learn to dance to this tune as well.

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Eveningsky squeezed her sister's hand. She had shared the memories of their mother, Plantwhisperer, and their father Longtale. It was only during howl that the whole reality had sunk in to Eveningsky's mind. Before she had been well aware of her losses but the need to survive had been strong enough to push the need for sadness aside. The Howl had allowed Eveningsky to take the time to remember her beloved parents together with her dear sister and to let go of the sorrow of loss. The lines of shed tears were still clear on her face but she felt content now.

Wishpond's eyes roamed from one Wolfrider to the next, compassion reflected in his face. He knew the pain of losing a cherished one. For him, time had softened the sharp edges of those memories, but he could still remember the hollow clutch of grief in his chest, like an iron hand closing around his heart and squeezing until all that remained was a knot of hurt and endless rain.
A deep exhale wafted from his lips, his eyes closed. It had taken a lot of time to work out that knot. It would also take these elves a long while to heal their wounds, he imagined. There was little Wishpond could do for any of them. Such a huge loss could not be abated by the well-meant words of a stranger. He hadn't understood their ritual completely, but at least now he knew that they had lost a vast number of family, friends, lovers - where could someone like him begin to soothe that raw grief?
The harpist sighed, absently twirling a lock of his raven hair around his finger. Even so, he could at least see to that their guests weren't lacking in dreamberries and wine, so he made his way to the closest Wolfrider, clearing his throat softly to announce his presence.
"May I replenish your cup?" he asked gently with a shy smile.

Eveningsky looked up in a slight surprise at the sudden unfamiliar voice next to her. She looked at the stranger while thinking back on the words. A small soft smile spread to her lips. "Yes, please. And my sister's too."
She first handed over her own cup and then Cloudbird's cup.

"Certainly; my pleasure," Wishpond said warmly, kneeling beside the two ladies and lifting the heavy wine skin, carefully filling the sisters' cups. "You have my condolences -- I understand that you and your kin have lost many." The harpist leveled a sober gaze on Eveningsky, wanting to express his sympathy without overstepping his boundaries.
"I hope your tribe finds rest here. If there is anything you want for, please feel free to tell me. You're our guests," he added, a sincere smile brightening his features. "I'd like you to be as comfortable as possible."
Sitting back, he looked around at the other elves. Many of them were starting to make their way to their tents. No wonder, Wishpond inwardly nodded to himself; the sun had been creeping towards the distant horizon for a while now, and it had been a long and taxing day. Not wanting to intrude upon a private time of grief any longer, he rose quietly and brushed the dirt off his knees.
"There are sleeping tents prepared just over there," he said softly, indicating the direction with an open hand. "I think I shall take my leave now. Please, partake as much as it pleases you of the wine and dreamberries. That's what they're there for, after all."
He offered a courteous smile to Cloudbird and Eveningsky as he leaned the wine skin against a large, mossy rock. "I bid you both a good night. May your dreams be as light as the first snow." Inclining his head respectfully in farewell, Wishpond stepped back from the sisters and weaved his way through the other retreating elves. Soon, he was all but a shadowy silhouette in the evening gloom, disappearing into the glow of a candlelit tent opening.

****

During the Howl Morning-Glow had been carefully walking around the circle, offering the grieving elves some berries and fruit from the basket he was carrying. At first he had been a wary of the wolves but soon he had realized how strongly these beasts connected to this farewell, being part of the circle, that he did not feel any threat from them. Now we stood among the elves, looking around at the emotions playing on the faces of each one, even on the elves of Children of the Oaks that were around. He didn't have any particular expression on his face, but his eyes shone with the compassion he felt for the survivors.

Sureshot rose and trailed after the one called Gale not wanting to disturb or upset the delicate balance. The last thing he needed was Sunsleaf hitting him again, or worse, telling everyone what a puckernut he had been to her for most of her life when she very clearly was accepted by all these others as one of them. But at some point in the very near future they were going to have to work things out if he was going to be around for any time at all.
As he had sat outside the howl itself he had observed as he had never done. Always before he had known the one or small handful that were being mourned. But he had none to mourn for so he had kept himself seperate and observed. Sunsleaf, he had noticed, had not actively participated, but she had been there, in the thick of it, offering comfort and support, sheltering the participants when it was needed. He had been a fool he could clearly see that what he had laughed at was now so much different than he had seen her.
He laughed at himself now, the soft soul he had rebuffed so frequently, had treated so harshly was exactly the one he would have chosen had he a brain in his empty head. But then none had ever the folly to claim he had any sense at all. And now he would have to pay the price for his own stupidity, it wouldn't be the first time, and High Ones knew it probably wouldn't be the last! He was nothing if not predictable in that way, as sure as the arrow from his bow he would find himself in this situation again.

Morning-Glow happened to be standing in the direction that Sureshot approached. He had noticed some of the other elves retreating from the circle but this elf had a different feeling around him. Not the one of loss and sadness and pain, not like most of the others. Morning-Glow's eyes happened to meet Sureshot's and in that instant he gave the stranger a curious look, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly.

Sureshot stopped and considered the stranger for a moment, then slowly approached. He didn't say anything, but inclined his head slightly in greeting, instead waiting for the stranger to voice his curiosity.

As the two of them were only steps away Morning-Glow chose to open his mouth first. "I don't believe I have seen you before."
Morning-Glow had greeted the wounded elves of the first night, and he had been there during the introductions. But this fellow had not appeared before his eyes before this moment. These strange elves were like flowers, a new one popping up whenever one turned back on them. "I am Morning-Glow."
He chose to let his curious thought rest behind. This was not a situation to question anyone.

How much to say, and how to say it... Sureshot considered his words carefully, "I came not with the larger group, but a smaller one." More detail than that he considered unnecessary. "I am Sureshot." In the last days he had introduced himself more times than ever before in his life, and he was sure that it would continue.

"Ah, that explains the other unfamiliar faces I saw in the circle. It must be a blessing from the High Ones that you have been reunited." Morning-Glow's gaze flew over those elves still hanging around. "So many losses." He whispered to himself before he focused back on the elf in front of him. "Is there something we could do for you and your tribemates?"

Sureshot thought for a moment and then spoke, "There is only one who might be called my tribemate, but she belongs to these now. For the rest, you would have to ask one of them, they are all new to me." Perhaps time would change that, but he was still learning the names to go with the faces of all those he now found himself a part of. Their loss was a powerful thing, the sharing of it giving it a life all its own to more properly effect those who had not directly experienced it.

"My apologies." Morning-Glow had sensed something strange and now he knew why. This particular elf did not belong in the same group as the others. Yet there was someone? Morning-Glow had no desire to know more. He noticed the elves making their way to tents for sleep. The elf in front of him didn't seem that sleepy but who knew. "Might you be interested in sleeping in another tent?"

Sureshot considered this for a moment and then shrugged. He was fairly used to sleeping in hollows, bushes, trees, these tent things were new. "I am not sure I am sleeping soon." But if he didn't sleep then what would he do? He could find the wolves, that might be less awkward than the other wolfriders.